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Monday, in the middle of a rain squall, I got into a very slow fender bender. Basically if I didn't point out the dent you wouldn't see it - still, the car wasn't drivable over 5mph - turns out I snapped a tie-rod end. Car is still in shop to be all spiffed up. I'm hoping to organize a rental today or tomorrow as my son is sick of mom driving his truck.
My refi also tanked. My experience of refi's has been checkered - mostly I get 9/10 through the process before some underwriter manager asks a dumb question like has my house ever moved??!?? wtf?
no
My house, contrary to popular belief does not have chicken legs under it. This is due to my house being of non-standard construction which causes the appraisers ten kinds of misery and confuses brokers. I'm rather used to this process but it is annoying - my last refi took me 8 months and 3 appraisals to get.
Still, it tanked less than a week to closing - bastards!!!
I may need to wait for further bank recovery before trying again - that will put more companies back in the business of writing loans - more competition and creativity - right now banks have plugs up butts.
Consider this - I've never been behind on a payment - I have a long owner history - STILL they are having cows - who do they think they want? I can imagine what someone who has missed payments is getting (the treatment) I saw in one show where a congresswoman was calling BoA on behalf of a constituent and 3 hours later reached a human - she was on hold 3 hours - even after the human she was cut off - again. Gimme a break - if you want the economy to work you have to allow people to do the stuff they do - like get banking business done.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
balance
I have this theory that in every life there is a balance and this is why we have good and bad things all sprinkled together. I also imagine that a lot of what I want to think is bad really isn't bad, just inconvenient or costing me money. However, underlying all of this is like a double stranded rope that needs both aspects to stay in balance.
Last week I managed to unseat my video card which put me off posting except using other computers which really slogged me up - but the fix was actually quite cheap. Then I fell into writing an erotica short story when I should have been doing homework and client business and about 20 other things and my refi stuff was primarily approved. However, I had to stay home from school to fix a few loose threads which resulted in a fender bender that did very little visual damage but screwed with my steering which means I'm home today to take car in for $$$ work - but after the bender the paperwork materialized that was missing all except a copy I have to make today. Hmmm. So, I can't claim bad without good and who knows - keeping me off the 101 may have saved me from a real accident and most of my paperwork should be totally totally finished in a few hours. Plus, I rewrapped my dogs leg which was funky and we both slept last night because I put up the dog gate which kept him from sneaking off to lick at it (he tries to remove it when I'm not looking) He was mad at me then but he is now well rested too - imagine that :)
Like I mentioned - it's about a sort of balance. Yesterday I also got approved for a fairly big reading with lots of opportunity for buzz. When I collect everything together it ain't so bad and even though I now get to spend some bucks, I wasn't hurt, it's sunny today (was rainy) and, I could almost work today too.
When I was young I sometimes fell into that mode of seeing the glass half empty, everything added to the burden - I WAS A VICTIM. But the thing is, life has pressure and you either get little vents or big ones and I'm damn scared of big ones so I will accept little ones. Obviously I needed these two odd days - why??? dunno. But I have them this way. So, they are a blessing in this form.
Last week I managed to unseat my video card which put me off posting except using other computers which really slogged me up - but the fix was actually quite cheap. Then I fell into writing an erotica short story when I should have been doing homework and client business and about 20 other things and my refi stuff was primarily approved. However, I had to stay home from school to fix a few loose threads which resulted in a fender bender that did very little visual damage but screwed with my steering which means I'm home today to take car in for $$$ work - but after the bender the paperwork materialized that was missing all except a copy I have to make today. Hmmm. So, I can't claim bad without good and who knows - keeping me off the 101 may have saved me from a real accident and most of my paperwork should be totally totally finished in a few hours. Plus, I rewrapped my dogs leg which was funky and we both slept last night because I put up the dog gate which kept him from sneaking off to lick at it (he tries to remove it when I'm not looking) He was mad at me then but he is now well rested too - imagine that :)
Like I mentioned - it's about a sort of balance. Yesterday I also got approved for a fairly big reading with lots of opportunity for buzz. When I collect everything together it ain't so bad and even though I now get to spend some bucks, I wasn't hurt, it's sunny today (was rainy) and, I could almost work today too.
When I was young I sometimes fell into that mode of seeing the glass half empty, everything added to the burden - I WAS A VICTIM. But the thing is, life has pressure and you either get little vents or big ones and I'm damn scared of big ones so I will accept little ones. Obviously I needed these two odd days - why??? dunno. But I have them this way. So, they are a blessing in this form.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
my favorite activities
I have lots of weekends where my favorite activities include cuddling with various animals (they change) - Chester is my elder statesman cat even though he is exactly the same age as Whiner but Chester's personality is one of dignified acceptance and sneaky attacks on other cats and occasionally my toes. He likes to climb up the bed (he can no longer leap so far) and if I make the horrid mistake of extruding parts of my body near that spot in the bed his claws will climb me (not so fun) Chester likes to walk over me (expressing his authority) before finding some slightly inconvenient place to snuggle against my body heat.
I have a lot of body heat.
Chester tends to want to be close to my face (quite alarming) and I often think he is contemplating eating me while I sleep (he's a tad fat) - he's learned I will not get out of the bed to open or close the door for him - this discovery did not please him and occasionally, when he remembers it, he punishes me by puking on my covers or otherwise expressing his disdain for my lack of compliance.
Winky is my son's chocolate Siamese. He hates me. He thinks I'm okay. I raised him mostly and back then he loved me. But a lot happened in the gap. My son rushed him in here several months ago (I'm allergic to him) - Winky had stopped eating and had dropped half his weight. The weight-loss thing was intentional but then he stopped eating completely and the vet pronounced he had this liver problem and that potential problem and my son, being a poor University student, couldn't face Winky dying and knew that sometimes mom does things.
So, Winky arrived in my bedroom -- again. This time the poor cat was puking water 3-4 times a day, would barely move. I slid my dog door shut because Winky can't live outdoors while my other cats have pottied outside for years. Winky was then confronted with two old male cats and a large dog. He knew my dog well having grown up with him. But, the cats... oh my...
I told my son he wouldn't be able to help himself -- that Winky was terribly depressed because he was alone almost all the time. My old mean cats were his medicine. My room became caterwauling hell for awhile. Did I mention I'm allergic to cats? -- particularly Siamese? BAH!!!
My son would come in here on tippy-toes and sit at the edge of a chair and over the next week he saw his cat moving around - then eating - then fighting and all the time WATCHING the other cats. As you might imagine my cats were none to pleased with this young interloper and they told him so frequently. As Winky discovered, he was younger and bigger and stronger than either of them - Ah hah!
So, Winky isn't too happy with me having OTHER cats in here. My cats aren't too happy with having Winky in here. My poor dog does his best to avoid accidentally being close to an erupting fight -- Winky expresses his growing dominance by laying ON TOP my feet.
So, weekends have Chester trying to eat my face while I sleep and Winky keeping a close eye on the primo location (my feet where 3 rooms are visible) Whiner sits on my chair and rumbles.
Winky -- he is getting fatter again. I need to switch up the cheap food for better and less tasty fare. He got over all those problems the vet charged $400 to diagnose.
My son knows I did something. He isn't sure what - he isn't sure he ever wants to really know but he happily plays with Winky and he cleans up the litter box (our current trade) Soon, maybe this summer, he will finish his apartment renovation and find a second cat for Winky to love and hate. He used to have a cat named Charlie who died about six months before Winky got sick.
Until then, my bedroom is the hub of activity with three ornery cats, a dog with a permanent split on one leg and a visiting dog from my housemate who is a food whore and likes to chase cats. Everyone comes in here. I need my sleep. ::sneeze::
I have a lot of body heat.
Chester tends to want to be close to my face (quite alarming) and I often think he is contemplating eating me while I sleep (he's a tad fat) - he's learned I will not get out of the bed to open or close the door for him - this discovery did not please him and occasionally, when he remembers it, he punishes me by puking on my covers or otherwise expressing his disdain for my lack of compliance.
Winky is my son's chocolate Siamese. He hates me. He thinks I'm okay. I raised him mostly and back then he loved me. But a lot happened in the gap. My son rushed him in here several months ago (I'm allergic to him) - Winky had stopped eating and had dropped half his weight. The weight-loss thing was intentional but then he stopped eating completely and the vet pronounced he had this liver problem and that potential problem and my son, being a poor University student, couldn't face Winky dying and knew that sometimes mom does things.
So, Winky arrived in my bedroom -- again. This time the poor cat was puking water 3-4 times a day, would barely move. I slid my dog door shut because Winky can't live outdoors while my other cats have pottied outside for years. Winky was then confronted with two old male cats and a large dog. He knew my dog well having grown up with him. But, the cats... oh my...
I told my son he wouldn't be able to help himself -- that Winky was terribly depressed because he was alone almost all the time. My old mean cats were his medicine. My room became caterwauling hell for awhile. Did I mention I'm allergic to cats? -- particularly Siamese? BAH!!!
My son would come in here on tippy-toes and sit at the edge of a chair and over the next week he saw his cat moving around - then eating - then fighting and all the time WATCHING the other cats. As you might imagine my cats were none to pleased with this young interloper and they told him so frequently. As Winky discovered, he was younger and bigger and stronger than either of them - Ah hah!
So, Winky isn't too happy with me having OTHER cats in here. My cats aren't too happy with having Winky in here. My poor dog does his best to avoid accidentally being close to an erupting fight -- Winky expresses his growing dominance by laying ON TOP my feet.
So, weekends have Chester trying to eat my face while I sleep and Winky keeping a close eye on the primo location (my feet where 3 rooms are visible) Whiner sits on my chair and rumbles.
Winky -- he is getting fatter again. I need to switch up the cheap food for better and less tasty fare. He got over all those problems the vet charged $400 to diagnose.
My son knows I did something. He isn't sure what - he isn't sure he ever wants to really know but he happily plays with Winky and he cleans up the litter box (our current trade) Soon, maybe this summer, he will finish his apartment renovation and find a second cat for Winky to love and hate. He used to have a cat named Charlie who died about six months before Winky got sick.
Until then, my bedroom is the hub of activity with three ornery cats, a dog with a permanent split on one leg and a visiting dog from my housemate who is a food whore and likes to chase cats. Everyone comes in here. I need my sleep. ::sneeze::
Thursday, February 12, 2009
do you really want to write?
Why?
No. Don't answer that - it's a trick question.
You don't have to defend yourself. If you want to write there is no defense. If you defend yourself it means you don't possess whatever it is you are defending. If you possess it or if it possesses you - then that game is in the past faded into a curl of smoke.
If people ask - laugh.
If people try to tell you not to - walk on...
After all, if it's inside of you, how do you abandon it? Could you? Why would you abandon you?
Love you - reach out and hold your hand - it's okay to write...
No. Don't answer that - it's a trick question.
You don't have to defend yourself. If you want to write there is no defense. If you defend yourself it means you don't possess whatever it is you are defending. If you possess it or if it possesses you - then that game is in the past faded into a curl of smoke.
If people ask - laugh.
If people try to tell you not to - walk on...
After all, if it's inside of you, how do you abandon it? Could you? Why would you abandon you?
Love you - reach out and hold your hand - it's okay to write...
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
false humility
So, I'm ranting a bit today --
Know how I got here? Lots and lots of hard work. Know how I stay here? Lots and lots of hard work.
There is a faction of writers who find it necessary to lay disclaimers on their work, on their success or even on their fail. They'll never measure up to goobityhoobity over there ::pointing:: It makes me want to wear pointy shoes.
Humility isn't disclaiming ownership or deferring cause - it is the lack of FALSE pride. If you work your ass off and jump through hoops and you forge a meager success for yourself - it is perfectly okay to be truthful about it. Pride is one of those levers that some people use as a means of controlling the behaviors of others. Can you be proud of things you shouldn't - sure. You can be proud of your race when that was an accident of fate. You can be proud of your wealth when your parents or ancestors earned it and all you did was happen to be born to them - these are unearned tokens of merit or value that have nothing to do with YOU beyond complicating your understanding of self. The world is full of false tokens of personal success but when you get right down to it - what you do with your hands and your mind, that is earned. Received is received - earned is earned.
There is pleasure to be found in working hard - at watching what you do improve along a gradient easily comparable to your work. You can build something with your hands or with your mind, building your thinking, ideas, hopes. It is okay to experience this pleasure - you are human, you were made with the capacity to do this thing we call create. Hiding behind false words merely makes you a liar to yourself and that undercuts what you were trying to do with all of this anyway.
Know how I got here? Lots and lots of hard work. Know how I stay here? Lots and lots of hard work.
There is a faction of writers who find it necessary to lay disclaimers on their work, on their success or even on their fail. They'll never measure up to goobityhoobity over there ::pointing:: It makes me want to wear pointy shoes.
Humility isn't disclaiming ownership or deferring cause - it is the lack of FALSE pride. If you work your ass off and jump through hoops and you forge a meager success for yourself - it is perfectly okay to be truthful about it. Pride is one of those levers that some people use as a means of controlling the behaviors of others. Can you be proud of things you shouldn't - sure. You can be proud of your race when that was an accident of fate. You can be proud of your wealth when your parents or ancestors earned it and all you did was happen to be born to them - these are unearned tokens of merit or value that have nothing to do with YOU beyond complicating your understanding of self. The world is full of false tokens of personal success but when you get right down to it - what you do with your hands and your mind, that is earned. Received is received - earned is earned.
There is pleasure to be found in working hard - at watching what you do improve along a gradient easily comparable to your work. You can build something with your hands or with your mind, building your thinking, ideas, hopes. It is okay to experience this pleasure - you are human, you were made with the capacity to do this thing we call create. Hiding behind false words merely makes you a liar to yourself and that undercuts what you were trying to do with all of this anyway.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Coraline
I took my son to the movies tonight to see Coraline in 3D.
It was fun and the best part was spending some non-normal time with my son. The film was well made, the characters nifty and the story is mostly what Neil Gaiman wrote. I didn't think it was great - just good. I'm not sure why I quantify it this way except to say that I felt it was overacted and considering that these are animations, that kind of comment might seem weird. The actual book was a bit softer and perhaps a bit more scary - this was very polished and a bit less real.
I think any time a book is made into a movie it suffers the comparison between the two. Overall, I'm pleased I went to see it on the big screen because I don't do that much these days. I like Coraline (hence my icon) and it polished off my weekend rather nicely. I didn't have a real dinner tonight even though we planned chicken and rice - because our first venture to the theater was find it sold out and the second we pre-purchased - somehow dinner never happened.
I also did some writing this weekend and I've once again come to the conclusion that perhaps my writing pendulum is once again swinging back toward novel length - everything I start writing instantly expands and I play hell trying to corral it into something anywhere near short story length. I'm hoping that by summer I may crack out a novel or two - I may be good enough to do it now. We shall see :)
It was fun and the best part was spending some non-normal time with my son. The film was well made, the characters nifty and the story is mostly what Neil Gaiman wrote. I didn't think it was great - just good. I'm not sure why I quantify it this way except to say that I felt it was overacted and considering that these are animations, that kind of comment might seem weird. The actual book was a bit softer and perhaps a bit more scary - this was very polished and a bit less real.
I think any time a book is made into a movie it suffers the comparison between the two. Overall, I'm pleased I went to see it on the big screen because I don't do that much these days. I like Coraline (hence my icon) and it polished off my weekend rather nicely. I didn't have a real dinner tonight even though we planned chicken and rice - because our first venture to the theater was find it sold out and the second we pre-purchased - somehow dinner never happened.
I also did some writing this weekend and I've once again come to the conclusion that perhaps my writing pendulum is once again swinging back toward novel length - everything I start writing instantly expands and I play hell trying to corral it into something anywhere near short story length. I'm hoping that by summer I may crack out a novel or two - I may be good enough to do it now. We shall see :)
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
worms...cure for all that ails sinners...
I'm sick - and it SUCKS!!!
I should go out in the garden and eat some worms...
I should go out in the garden and eat some worms...
Monday, February 2, 2009
no excuse...
With no excuse not to - I should write today - I don't usually attempt to write in congested cafes but that is where I am and there is a plug so its a good spot and the seat has a cushion which is a double blessing so I think I will endeavor to overcome the distractions and put fingers to keyboard.
It is a warm day and my bike is repaired and working excellent - one class cancelled and the next is more than 5 hours away - not enough time to go home plus I wouldn't pay 2 tolls in one day - so my excuses run out.
I am still coughing up a bear in my chest - and my son didn't feel well last night and was in and out of my bedroom all night - so tonight I look forward to a less disturbed night of sleep.
It is a warm day and my bike is repaired and working excellent - one class cancelled and the next is more than 5 hours away - not enough time to go home plus I wouldn't pay 2 tolls in one day - so my excuses run out.
I am still coughing up a bear in my chest - and my son didn't feel well last night and was in and out of my bedroom all night - so tonight I look forward to a less disturbed night of sleep.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
fighting the cold...
Today is all about recognition of and fighting the cold. This one snuck up on me with a week of sour tummy (should have known) and then yesterday I started coughing - but this was literally immediately after my son yanked up the first piece of carpet from my room. I thought I inhaled crud (which I'm sure I did) but removal to a clean room and 12 hours later I was sore in throat and chest :(
On the good side - I am home today so I can rest a bit. My bike was repaired (YAY!) and I bought enough groceries for a whole month (not really but it looks like I have) so I can lay around and EAT!!!
I also read a friends post where their RoF story was already bounced back and the weird thing is - I recognize from their comments that it is the SAME market I sent mine too - so far, me no bounce back - hah, I can imagine good things outa nothing :)))
At this point I'm willing to tell myself all kinds of tales to feel good...
On the good side - I am home today so I can rest a bit. My bike was repaired (YAY!) and I bought enough groceries for a whole month (not really but it looks like I have) so I can lay around and EAT!!!
I also read a friends post where their RoF story was already bounced back and the weird thing is - I recognize from their comments that it is the SAME market I sent mine too - so far, me no bounce back - hah, I can imagine good things outa nothing :)))
At this point I'm willing to tell myself all kinds of tales to feel good...
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