colonialism

So, it's true, I put my foot into the mess of 'racism' posts - sufficiently so that the blog owner asked me in a not so polite manner to LEAVE!

:)

One of the threads I am following involves a discussion about the almost exclusively all-white characters in most fantasy works.

Now, let me be pretty clear here - I fell out of love with a lot of fantasy material around the time that every book became a medieval something or other quest type princess save the world type epic. I just had a knee jerk reaction to it.

Now, let me make a confession - back when I was 14 or so I went through a romance novel phase. I particularly liked the Barbara Cartland and Gothic Romances and books with titles like the "Lion and the peanut" (making that up) but you know the ones I mean. I must have read 500+ of the things in about a year and then - poof, I moved on.

At the time I didn't make much of the situation. My life as a child, a reading child, was all about pissing off my parents. They felt that punishment for inappropriate behavior was to require said child to read say 3 hours of James Joyce - at ll years old. My parents approved of literature. So, what's the surprise that I developed a fast affection for pulp by hackneyed writers. So in the years prior to Romance Novels I read my way through Zane Grey westerns, Tom Swift, Nancy Drew, Nurse Nan and the endless list of serialized works. Yes, I read non-serial works too - but gathering collections was a really good way to earn a parental glare and thrown up hands.

However, today I got to re-thinking something I said last night in the mess. Back when I was 14 Romance books were booming - they were literally flying off the shelves so fast they left contrails. Now, most romance novels are like potatoe chips - a lot alike. So, what fueled this boom? Going back in time I should point out that at that exact same time women were also burning their bras (foolish) to represent female freedom (not foolish) - so how are these two things connected?

Well, last night I suggested that the boom in romance novels was a feminist reaction to the transforming female role in the American culture. Women were achieving more money at work but paying a price in the bedroom. Being raised in a culture one way and having underlying issues change during your life time is complicated. Women began 'testing' the cultural mythos on which they were raised by playing out every possible variant of that mythos within the framework of romance novels.

Eventually, most romance novel readers reached a point of cultural saturation and sales tapered off a bit and the demand became stranger or we started to see a mixture of speculative fiction entering the romance market.

Now, back to my thoughts about current fantasy offerings. Remember when I mentioned I was a bit turned off by all the medieval quest things? Why? If my speculation about romance has any legs then what is fantasy doing or about? One thing I also don't like is books full of armys and warfare and KINGS!!! Why? Well, because that is my family history, my cultural history -- that is a cunieform for COLONIALISM. Fantasy is probably written by more women than men at this point and it seems to me that underlying these adventures are issues of female power and colonialism as a mechanism of change. Almost always the princess/female has some extraordinary gift - she isn't enough as a regular woman - and she is charged to find some relic to save the world from EVIL - or the king next door.

What are women really fighting? Sure, I said colonialism but that is probably an issue I could make an argument for across genres - they are also fighting a battle of the extraordinary woman hard pressed (she is close to losing everything) What are women losing?

Now we can shift a bit to look at Supernatural romances and again we see where the male is no longer even human - he has become magical and 'authority figure' which is representational or a metaphor. Her love and devotion are being examined against ideals, morality, religious dictates - and she is being compelled by the magical - a force beyond resistance.

Now, I could also make the argument about the alpha male mythos and how it becomes possible to speculate that this archtype is moving toward extinction.

I am not really venturing answers today - except to say that nothing is ever quite what it seems. It is my suggestion that the publishing giants are missing the boat - WOMEN ARE THINKING - they read, they devour books, they think in the round, slowly...and then one day they close the cover of that book and move on.

Books are about the struggle.

away...

I am just adapting to my new school schedule. My son (who is 29 years old today) looked at my schedule in horror because I have 3+ hour gaps on each day. He doesn't understand - I didn't want to come to school like last semester and hustle from class to class and then race home. Why be at a place like Berkeley and NOT experience it. I can't live here so having time to actually hang out is really important - plus, I can use my laptop to do homework and goof off too.

It was a choice. It was hard last night because I left campus at 7;30pm and didn't get home for an hour and then I had to leave at 6am - this left little time to do much at home so I basically didn't do much. The hard side of this is that, as you know, my pooch Bogey was diagnosed with bone cancer last December so he has to wear a splint that basically MUST be there forever. He has adapted nicely so far and gets around quite well - he also uses it to smash things (another story) - but it also means he tries to get it off so when I am not around he eventually will tear at it. This means I've tried to enroll other people to keep one eye on him as they can. Wednesdays I haven't solved yet but I'm hoping my refi will go through and allow me to hire someone for that day - they can clean too :) Until I sort that out we are all pitching in to keep him safe.

I have told myself not to feel guilty for not staying home with him. He lays around a lot and would simply lay around with me home too - that is just how it is. I give him lots of love and attention when I do get home and 3 days a week I am there all the time. it needs to be enough for my conscience.

Today, in class, they reviewed a nonfiction piece I wrote Monday. The thing is - I can't tell them that - that the piece was written between classes on Monday - it would make some of them uncomfortable.

As it turns out - the piece rather rocks - that is basically what I was told. One of the things that really got a lot of talk was the juxtaposition of specific detail against vague characters. I write the piece in third person present tense as in "She opened the door..." - I never identify anyone except in relationship each to the other so you have Her mother or His father - I did this to allow the reader to shape the characters as they see fit - even though this is nonfiction and based on very real people. I also rely a lot on metaphor and a sort of ominous tone. It was fun to write.

thinking the essay...

I had a great time in my nonfiction class today with the exception that I got volunteered to submit an essay...like...today. Hmmm. That really isn't a problem because I write fast and can generate something but I'm not sure what the appropriate length should be. We have NO guidelines.

I'm thinking 2-3000 maybe?

My next class isn't for two more hours so I might get it done in between - or at least started. I'm only marginally anxious. I have a sneaky suspicion that I am somewhat ahead in the general field of writing (compared to the class)

The hard thing about being an old person in a class full of young people is that it is easy to be too much. I know what it was like to be 20 and how indecisive I was and how I didn't know too much about the world or myself. My general rule is to keep my mouth shut until or if the professor needs someone to talk and then I try to keep things simple. I don't always succeed though. Twice today I got into subject matter that was clearly a shock to some of the students. I hope it doesn't put anyone off.

The reverse of this is that I really am in the class to improve my own writing. As the professor mentioned - people have to start where they are. I can no more pretend to be 20 than I could grow wings on my butt and fly.

So, I should stop procrastinating by blogging...huh?

middle school children's lit

Last semester I took a Junior Seminar (required) in English and it was a Children's Lit class. It was fun and I got to read 11 good books or mostly good.

I was really impressed by some of the newer ones. They felt so fresh and real compared to some of the science fiction and fantasy works I've read that is directed at adults. They are strongly character driven and the plot problems are generally close to home - what might be thought of as simple problems but which are really big problems in the perspective of a child. The level of detail in these books also made me happy. The characters were varied and unapologetically like people in real life. Some were larger than life but still believable too. There simply wasn't any caricature.

There were also no stand-in characters. Each person was given space to come alive in the story. Yes, I am speaking about award winning books and good writers and good writing.

I am tentatively in a fiction class at Berkeley (still on the waitlist tonight) and the teacher told us we will generate 45000 words for the class. I kind of took a mental step back. That is 4 ME size novellas and about 10 regular length short stories. The teacher doesn't care what we write in terms of short story or chapters but is interested we write long.

When I thought about 45,000 words I knew that was edging close to the size of a mid-grade children's lit book. Could I do that? Do I want to?

I have written novels before but none are intentionally for children.

My answer came in the powder room where all great thinking takes place (IMO) - I started getting story fragments which is generally a good sign that I have something getting ready to come out. I have a setting, a few characters and all I need is a simple problem, which I also think I have the beginnings of. As soon as I thought the thought, I got more stuff. So, once the professor gives me an ad code I think I'm going to write a children's novel. I may even start without an ad code. It's rather a nifty story idea. Small. Small story.

What's 45,000 words - a weekend?

classes...

It's a beautiful sunny day here in Berkeley and I feel good. I've been to 2 classes so far and hiked up the big hill pushing my bike - but the ride down to Tolman was blissfully fast...

I am guessing that the cosmos intends for me to get my youthful muscle legs back what with all my uphill classes this semester...no complaints - I will reserve bitching for rainy days :)

I do need a better campus map though - I think there is a cut-off I can take that gets me off the big street earlier and I would like that.

my hands are all over OWWIES!!!

I had to bandage my fingertips just to type.

But...but...

GROUT is DONE!!!

You know when you are painting a room and you are almost done and then you realize the paint can is empty and you make do with what you can squeeze out of the brush and tray???

That was me - only with grout. GAH it was SO close and I didn't want to buy another big bag just for 20 inches.

Nit and gritty is now fully understood - grout removes fingertips, skin layer by layer but the relief of having that done is enormous.

BTW - after dark last night I painted my porch rail :)

For doing it in the dark it looks pretty good. I will do a bit more painting in a little while after I recover my energy and stop trembling (maybe food?). More photos maybe later...

grout day

My intention is to finish the grout today which is about 3 times as much grouting as I've been doing each day.

I did scrub off my trim yesterday where it had gone black with mildew. It looks much better. My son ran up to Home Depot and bought the pot I pointed out to him yesterday - he also bought mulch. How much I finish will depend on how tired I am after grouting.

No more procrastinating - must grout!

the appraiser...

AKKKKK!!! He is coming on Sunday morning.

This means cleaning as well as finishing my grout and other small fixes. AKKKK!

Actually we have been waiting a week for him to be scheduled so that part is good, having to hurry up to finish my chores is also good, just tiring to even think about.

The dicey thing is my last appraisal was 4 years ago and it was great. Since then I added a deck, am completing the front porch improvement, put in hardwood floors in the back bedroom and hallway (soon to be whole house if refi is good) and painted several areas. I also installed two walk in closets and an outside door and second small deck. This moves my house officially from 2 to 4 bedrooms and even with the crap market should reflect as improvements in a positive way. I also have a partially completed non-conforming in my garage area which is a mystery as to how the appraiser will view it. It has a nice new french door and 1/2 is basically done (we are putting in a mini kitchen and full bath that are not yet done) I have a large garage at 1100 square feet and the nonconforming is taking about 230 of those feet with 10 foot ceilings :)

So, I'm nervous and yet pragmatic. My male housemate has trimmed all the shrubs up nice and they do look good. I hope to install a fountain and do some minor mulching as well as some minor painting and touch ups. The grout is my biggest thing because it makes the front look finished and well taken care of. We are also looking to place a large pot on the porch with greens and flowers because you only make a good impression once. :)

These are two photos of my deck during the summer (we remove the awnings during the winter) The decking is impervious or non-wood/non-rot.

I am hoping for GOOD numbers.

"The Longing"

"The Longing"
This is the name of the vampire erotica story that I've been working on for the best part of January. I am pleased to have written a short story over my winter break and I'm pleased with the story itself. Last night at 2am I sent it off to the editor after working on revisions for a few hours.

I did take a somewhat different path with this story than is traditional within the trope and near the end of writing the story a theme snuck out and surprised me, this required me to seed the manuscript last night to foreshadow that part a bit more. I am less certain that the story is actually erotica. There is certainly a small amount of sex in it and there is quite a bit more erotic tension but the story centers more on the evolution of a character and a bit on plot. The editor will let me know if it is suitable and if not, I know a couple more editors who've been bugging me for a new story that is dark fantasy (like this)

I received 7 crits prior to polish which is a goodly number. Nearly all of them were similar which was encouraging since it reflected a similar reading experience allowing me to work on the bits that were the least clear.

My goal this year is to write one new story a month and submit at least 3 stories a month. You might be wondering how this math works but I have a lot of stories on my old computer that I haven't been sending out because my access to them became complicated. I'm moving them at the moment so that excuse should evaporate. Last year I only submitted 6 stories and one poem. The poem sold, two of the stories sold, one of the stories made it past the slush and is now on the editor's desk, the other three stories I've not yet heard back on. Well, there was one more story that made 2nd place in a contest but that doesn't count :) I also had 2 stories win scholarships - so my year was busier than it looks on the surface.

This semester I should be in 2 writing classes which I hope will be both fun and helpful in terms of keeping my writing moving. I may also be an editor for the Berkeley Review (will know soon)

Such is the life :)

Vampire Erotica...

I still feel insecure about whether my story IS vampire erotica but ignoring that minor detail ::grins:: later today I will gather all my beta reader notes and do the final polish on the story. The overriding comment was that people wanted more. Out of 7 readers one told me it sucked :) Everyone told me they liked reading it and got invested immediately.

At this point I want to clean it up nicely and send it over to the editor who is waiting for it to arrive. She is the end point in terms of whether it meets her needs or not. I figure my odds aren't bad, this particular editor likes plotty things and mine is plotty.

Also today - I need to grout more and probably wash down some trim on the outside of my house so that I can add some fresh paint to make that area look perked up. I finished grouting the top platform yesterday - today is all about steps...

refinancing...

Some of you know that I'm currently grouting my front porch. Although it is looking nifty and part of the reason I'm working on it is to improve the appearance of my house, that really isn't the story.

I'm refinancing. I am a single woman and I've been blessed with my own home for most of my adult life but it isn't without struggle. I see the economic downturn and so many people trying to figure things out and I know what they are experiencing. About a decade ago my then boyfriend told my mother that I would have to get a job. He was rather gleeful about it because on some level he wanted to not HAVE to work. I had developed a frugal lifestyle that allowed me to just scrape by with almost nothing left (even for clothing) I moved away from the mainstream equation where success is measured in terms of what you are currently buying. For me, success was in having the time to pursue my dream of writing. So, I am not a consumer in the general sense of the word. I didn't buy anyone a Christmas present this year. I also didn't expect any. Buying a new pair of athletic shoes is a big deal for me because I wear them off my feet. I do have a weakness for home improvement and when I have extra cash I am most likely buying flooring or paint or trim or tools.

I also splurge on groceries - I try to buy quality foods so that my health is the best I can manage. Yes, I have health care but I detest doctors so this is my compromise. However, back to my last boyfriend. He is a really good man but he found it hard to live with me precisely because of my failure to consume. When we first met I paid off his debts and although he liked it, he had trouble dealing with it. He was coming from a position of being 'in the hole' emotionally and once no longer there, he had trouble dealing with himself but that is another story.

What I wanted to talk about was the problems I faced when I went back to a one person household. Because we had been in a relationship a long time I had purchased a larger house and once again had a mortgage - this one now exceeded my passive income. When I say my boyfriend was gleeful - it is the simple truth. However, because he wanted other things we had also purchased and held title to, he agreed to continue to help pay over a 3 year period and he got those items clear (a good deal) - this gave me time to adjust my income.

It may sound silly but I went to a manifestation group. The mantra behind the group was to intentionally position a desire in the cosmos. My mantra was simply, "I am open to receiving abundance" - I didn't want to be totally specific - really, I wanted to open myself to possible solutions to my problem - I didn't want to HAVE to go to work and give up my time for writing.

As I mentioned, at that point I was living in a 4 bedroom house - by myself. Silly. But, until that point I had bought into the 'needing independence' concept of every family a separate house. I facilitated some workshops and did some lecturing to bring in a little income and continued to ghost write for psychologists but it was very piece meal and I felt uneasy.

So, I confronted my need for my OWN home. I began taking in housemates. This was an adventure and let me assure you that my learning curve was substantial. But, I had several things going for me - high housing costs in my area and a large home (2500 sq ft) My bedroom sizes are decent and I have amenities as well (like a hottub) As I learned ABOUT people I discovered that my master suite was actually fairly large - I could manage my privacy in there. I also discovered that I needed to impose my standard of living (no clutter) on the common spaces and use my furniture. This became much easier both on me and on my housemates. This is a home and it is organized that way - for everyone - there is room to sprawl, to share or to be private.

As I discovered I could live with people around me I came to enjoy it. My house is always busy yet it is like a big family. I am picky about housemates and two of mine have lived here more than 7 years now. My point is that solving my financial problems required some creativity.

I work a little bit - a few years ago I went back to school full-time and now I'm a Junior at Berkeley. Every few years I try to refinance if interest rates go down. Right now they are very cheap so I am trying to save myself $700 per month just by refinancing. I am still frugal. I am repairing my porch because I had a water problem that rotted out a section and then the steps settled and to join the two pieces together I needed one material (slate) -

The thing is - our solutions depend on creativity too. We can't afford to have 3 empty bedrooms in our homes and think nothing of it. I have been so very lucky and I know that, but I also work hard at buying nothing extra. I can't afford it and my dreams too.

critiques...

So, it's really past time to talk about the critique process. Every time (or nearly) that I write a new short story I try to pass it through a critique group like OWW or one of my more private critique groups or partners. I want feedback because I am always too close to my own writing and other people will often pop me out of that bubble, allowing me to improve on what I have already done.

Critique, by its nature is a reciprocal process although many new writers don't seem to understand this. You receive some benefit by having people look at your work but by far the real benefit lies in how critiquing others hones your own ability to see into the work. From my perspective the ratio here is about 80 to 20 with the 80% favoring the work you do critiquing other people.

So, when I have a new piece I also practice my critique skills.

The writers I know who I consider really good are also hungry. They are never satisfied with the level of their craft. There is always that next bit to improve upon and they embrace that process, it drives them to remain open and seek out the mechanisms to create positive changes in their work.

So, writing a story is just a piece of the creation of a work. If you don't critique others you will never be able to see into your own work and, at best, you will plateau with maybe mediocre quality. If you approach critique really wanting an affirmation process then you will ignore the words of strangers and discard their advice. If you approach critique from a place of personal insecurity then you will take the wrong advice and muddle up your work. If, however, you approach critique as a tool, just like your computer, just like your research -- a tool to work across and through your thinking process and your revision process then you are likely to discover that critique pays serious rewards.

Often, as writers, we don't really know what informs our work. We don't know why we gravitate toward certain themes or certain types of characters. We think we pull them out of a hat all fresh and newly minted - but we don't. What rubs us from hidden places like a burr under the saddle are the issues and damage we have endured in our life -- our unresolved stuff. We select our stories as frames to work through our stuff, often from a very great and apparently safe distance. But this circuitous path to resolving our own issues means, from a critique standpoint, that we are often intentionally blind to flaws or weaknesses in the work. We hide certain things because it can hurt to sit with it. This means that all writers are blind to certain themes and characteristics in their work. This becomes important because if you read 'good' literature you fairly quickly discover that the work is good because it is relevant. To get close enough in your own work to 'find' the underlying themes and issues is to veer right along the edges of your pain. All of this complicates critique. If you know you need to KNOW what your story is about so that you can be more overt in delivering that to the page - then you must critique so that the skills of discovery become habitual until you no longer trigger off your own work and instead you can deploy these skills to reveal what is hidden.

It is my opinion that when you begin to reach this level of critique and revision that your work starts to be good, it starts to be relevant. But, between stories it is also good to remember that the mind runs away from those shadows and hard places - it wants to retreat and reblanket itself with oblivion. So, each time you birth the next story, you also have to dust off your critique skills and bring them back up to par - praying you will find the core story, the poignant power of the theme, the truth that the reader longs for.

friends...

I'm having some success following people on Blogspot :) Next I will see if I can follow embedded blogs and LJ's and others (which would also be cool) - then I can move on to more interesting posts.

renewal

I've decided today will be a good day.

Some of you know I lost a dear friend yesterday. He was instrumental in encouraging me to return to the University and when I realized he was gone I felt like I must make his young life count for something.

I often think we underestimate the effect we have on each other and often we are so caught up in our own stuff that we don't tell people how much we appreciate them. So, today I decided to make it a day of renewal and effort.

To that end I am going to try to get a few more pieces into circulation and I'm going to try to grout my front porch and paint some trim (it's beautiful and sunny here today) and I'm going to look at that novella that wants to be a play. Why not today? I may not have tomorrow so today it is...

adding friends (following)...

Ah hah!

I have overcome the software and found the right button! ::hee hee::

To accomplish it I needed the url of the blog I wanted to follow...
Then I clicked on my dashboard or the blogger symbol...
Then I scrolled down to AD and voila...

I haz followed...

lost in the labyrinth...that is Tolman...

My advisor sent me one of those generic "your paperwork is incomplete" emails this morning which really annoys me. Back in October I spent an entire day running between departments to make certain they had EVERYTHING they needed.

The thing is - I live about 1.5 hours drive from campus. Plus, the school is mast down or not everyone is there and if I need additional signatures it is likely I will need appointments to get them which makes this VERY annoying.

I faxed them a page minus the one signature and sent her an email explaining - hopefully she will just get on the ball and sort it out on her end. I shouldn't have to spend $20 because she lost a page.

The Labyrinth is Tolman Hall - probably the worst school building I've ever been in. It is a warren of windowless tiny rooms with low ceilings - YIKES!!! She works there.

we have erotica...

Not much, mind you - but erotica DID arrive in the story...

And, I think it might be good...

who knew?

Vampire Erotica

No more procrastination - today there must be sex!

I am at the point in this story where it either becomes erotica or becomes dark fantasy. Either way is okay although I did have it in mind for a specific anthology submission - still, it seems to have some legs under it and that is what I really want for my stories.

No followers here yet. I haven't really figured out how this blog works. My Facebook is plumping up due to the exodus from LJ dependency and my Twitter is also plumping up. Once I sort out how to become more connected here I will feel better about this blog. Until then, LJ is my go-to blog and will remain so until it dies (hopefully never)

If it eventually returns to stability then I may combine these two.

what would I do without vacation time?

I'm a bit overwhelmed with the sudden scramble to move my blog around. I'm now reminded that I promised myself to try to load Dreamweaver onto this computer in order to update my website which has languished untouched for several months (since my mac moved) - so, I could migrate my blog to the front page of my website which would probably be a reasonable thing to do in many ways. The thing is - I don't like front page blogs generally - a website should have archival material as well as blog etc... In my opinion the front page should really be a navigation spot to all your goodies. I need to think on this more.

I do think this 'issue' of blog-site-crash is part of the ongoing singularity of our lives. Technology, is at its core, unstable. It is constantly under the stress of change in a way that mirrors our lives rather frightfully. While there are certainly market pressure driving changes, there also seem to be non-market pressures driving changes. People fiddle with things and suddenly tech is old-school boat anchor and there is, yet again, NEW TECH.

LJ's flexing (whether it materializes into puffage or not) presses someone like me to fiddle with my website and to join other social networks and to try to solve my problems or see who IS solving my problem and then steal their ideas (always a good choice)

Right now I have 3 additional blog/networking entities to follow and that is too many (instinct tells me) - What I want is to flow all of them into one useful, easy-to-use, interface so I can read my friends from one spot, talk to them, and they can talk back equally easily. I can tell this is a feeds thing (which is solved) so the software and LJ make me learn more stuff. And that's why this tastes like eating lima beans....good for you...good for you...

migrating blogs

Some of my friends are finding me on Facebook - I should add my Twitter too. ::sigh:: I am feeling so regretful about this. I need to figure out how to find people on this without looking up people online and hoping they have a blogspot blog. pesk...

LJ is dying - and so I woefully consider moving...

Live Journal appears to be in the throes of demise, which is awful, since I dearly love my blog over there. I hate the idea of having to relearn this format, find my friends, sort out all the gizmos and stuff. ::sigh:: But, at least I migrated my archives today and managed to create this account just in case.

WAH!!!