oblivious flirting...

So, in the midst of thinking about other things I've been looking at my issues around dating. The truth is that I haven't dated in a couple years. My tastes are -- eclectic and a bit eccentric. I'm aware that there have been both men and women who have tried to flirt with me. In the moment of the actual flirting I am obtuse - shocked really. Huh?

One man, who flirted with me, basically talked about my rather expansive chest which was at that moment somewhat constrained in a corset. I remember thinking, what is he talking about, is something showing that I hadn't intended to show? One woman, who flirted with me, wanted to caravan across six states with me - basically sharing a hotel room. I remember thinking, OMG I snore like a freight train.

Basically, my mind is over ----------> there, at some busy point unrelated to amorous relations.

I think about dating and want to scratch...and the complications of actually doing something sexual and having to like reserve person time on my selfish schedule....oh, how did I EVER manage that in the past?

And, why are they looking at me -- I've gone to great personal lengths to not be overly attractive. ::sigh:: What is WRONG with them?

Nothing can possibly be wrong with me, right?

The truth is that I have a dubious history, in sexual terms. Suffice to say that I'm an expert in odd things and have taught many sexuality classes. They say you work on sexual things when you are working on sexual issues. I am working on sexual issues - more accurately, I'm working on intimacy issues. The sex part is easy, the intimacy, not so much. I'm not particularly good at surrendering and my 'partners' are always victims of my ongoing analysis - I'm always looking for what's REALLY going on versus what they SAY is going on. Paranoia? Oh yeah. Suspicion? Oh yeah. People lie. In fact they lie when they think they aren't lying. I peel them, looking for their lies.

I trust failure.

This is mostly why I don't date. I go in looking for the wounding.

I'm not much good at investing. I know you'll be transient so why work that hard?

So, stop flirting with me unless you are really ready for the peel...